A wag once observed that each of us is the average of the five individuals with
whom we spend the most time. That would make me two-fifths cat. There’s nothing
like a freshly caught fish for dinner, basking under the rays of a hot New Jersey
sun, or rolling around in the dirt. Welcome to my world. I’m unemployed, and this
is a day in my life.
8:00AM: Hit the snooze button.
10:00: Wake up in my mother’s basement. Check to see if my breakfast is ready.
10:13: Browse Youtube, in case anyone has posted new concert videos.
11:45: Pick up my dry cleaning. I’m not sure why.
12:00PM: Apply to 10 or so jobs.
12:05: Microwave a frozen lunch. Read an article in the newspaper about unemployment.
1:00: Make a to-do list for the afternoon and week. Realize I have nothing to do. Abandon task.
1:30: The cats lets me in from outside.
1:52: Take a cat nap. Cat snores, wakes me up.
2:15: Phone interview with recruiter in bed. Decide next phone interview I will wear pants to bolster self esteem.
3:14: High point of the day: Coerce my foot into an orthotic on the way to the Podiatrist’s office.
4:08: Make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for snack. Cut into triangles. Remove crusts. Form crusts into interesting shapes.
4:30: Look for a quiet place to unwind. Walk around outside without a shirt. Cats appear disturbed.
5:00: Update my LinkedIn profile.
6:00: Commute by stairs.
7:19: Call my Mom to see what she is doing.
9:00: Meet a friend for dinner. “Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.”
12:00AM: Grab some zzz’s. Need my energy for tomorrow.